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Anti-Violence Services - Domestic Violence
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic violence within gay or bisexual relationships takes a number of forms - physical, emotional or sexual. It's a deliberate abuse of power which may also involve damage to your property. Domestic violence often comprises a wide range of violent or 'controlling' behaviour, and no two men's experiences will be exactly the same.
If you're a victim of domestic violence:
- you have the right to live without violence; no-one deserves to be abused
- you're not to blame; your partner's violent behaviour is not your responsibility
- be aware that domestic violence tends to escalate over time; a violent partner's actions rarely improve
- it's never easy to leave a violent partner, but in most cases ending the relationship is the only way to end the violence
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:
- Physical Violence - punching, choking, slapping, shoving, biting...
- Isolation - controlling your movements, stopping you seeing your friends, imprisonment, preventing access to information and support organisations...
- Emotional abuse - criticising you all the time, making you feel worthless, lying to you ...
- Threats and intimidation - threatening family, friends or children; threatening self-harm, suicide; or physical violence...
- 'Outing' you - telling your family, friends, or employer that you're gay or bisexual (or threatening to do so)...
- Economic abuse - controlling money or resources, stealing, running up debts in your name...
- Sexual violence - rape, sexual assault, making you perform particular sexual acts...
- Property destruction - breaking down doors, smashing property, destroying items of sentimental value...
What you can do about it
Talk about the violence with someone you trust. Don't feel you have to keep silent. It helps to name your partner's actions as domestic violence. If you can understand what's happening to you, it's easier to think about ways of dealing with it. Sometimes it's difficult for men to see themselves as victims. But estimates suggest that as many as 1 in 3 gay and bisexual men experience domestic violence.
Plan your options. It's often very difficult to think clearly when you're experiencing domestic violence, so talk over your options with someone. If you choose to leave, it's useful to develop a strategy to help you manage it safely and successfully. If you can't leave, or aren't ready, think about ways in which you can protect yourself from your partner. If you live with him, or spend a lot of time at his home, try to keep a bag ready with essential items, money, and clothes, and identify somewhere you can stay in an emergency. Don't hesitate to call the Police if you find yourself at risk; you don't have to press charges, although you can if you wish.
If you attempt to leave, but then return to your partner, don't see this as a major failure on your part. Ending a relationship with a violent partner is extremely difficult, and he may try to stop you from leaving by threatening to harm you, or himself, or by stalking or harassing you. You may need to modify your behaviour to protect yourself from your partner, by altering your routine and avoiding certain places. You might want to consider taking out an injunction against him, in which case you should seek legal advice.
What we offer at MESMAC North-East
- one-to-one support and counselling
- an opportunity to talk through issues and experiences
- help in working out a 'survival plan'
- advice and support about reporting to the Police
For support or more information contact:
MESMAC North-East on: 0191 233 1333
Minicom: 0191 233 2112
E-mail:
If preferred, we can then put you in touch with our Middlesbrough office.
BROKEN RAINBOW
Another good contact is Broken Rainbow which is a service for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people who experience domestic violence.
Contact: BROKEN RAINBOW
Call: 020 8539 9507
Website: www.broken-rainbow.org.uk
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